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I seek out insights from people on dealing with middle-aged struggles, for example deep inner questions, fading relevance, noticing one’s neck akin to a surrealist painting and a newfound passion for A Place in the Sun. Lately, I read Jamie Oliver’s words on turning 50 in an interview: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Surround yourself with uplifting friends. I’m dodging pessimists – ‘fun sponges’ – and improving at refusing requests.”

Initially, I wondered: isn’t this contradictory regarding shunning downbeat folks and mastering refusal? Might that suggest he must escape his own nature? I get it – such remarks define us negative types, and yes, I’m one of them. Yet, we gloomy souls like to call ourselves “vibe suckers”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). In a bind, I might tolerate “melancholy luxury blanket”.

Maybe you belong to this group as well. Are you often the gathering’s pragmatist instead of its enthusiast? Does your thorough reply to casual greetings make people step back nervously? Do proposed “enjoyable” plans trigger a visage akin to having ingested something unpleasant? Do you strongly identify with Eeyore; has a psychic ever told you your aura is grey?

Should this ring true, welcome to the club, and it’s fine. Although modern wisdom pushes folks to discard “sapping” companions, I contend we bring substantial worth. I reckon a mood hoover would have said something discouraging – or at least made a slug-swallowing face – when Jamie described his plan to write a kids’ book with an Australian First Nation main character without consulting Indigenous communities, which could have prevented a whole lot of problems, upset and offence. Such critical insights aren’t typical from “positive” friends.